Hands Off!

I know I have a cute baby. As her mother I’m well aware of this. I mean, I sometimes just sit and stare at her because she’s so gosh darned beautiful. So when people want to take a peek at her in public I understand.

But stop. touching. my. baby!

When Jared took us out to eat there were (I kid you not) three separate members of the restaurant staff and one customer who came and bothered us. And when I say bother I don’t mean the usual, “Oh she’s so cute! How old is she?” kind of bothering. I mean the kind of bothering that inspires an inner dialogue not unlike the following:

“Um…could you not touch my baby? I don’t know you and you did not ask if I’m OK with it. And, excuse me but I don’t get out of the house enough as it is and when I do get out with my husband and brother in law I don’t want to spend that time listening to you talk baby talk to my baby I want to spend that time WITH MY FAMILY. And, gah! Why are you still touching my baby! Um…no strange lady I’ve never, ever met you may NOT hold my baby while I pick out my food. Geez! Why are you touching my baby! You do realize I had personal space and while you’re violating my baby’s personal space you’re also violating mine? Um, wow…thanks waitress. I really wanted to know all about how your daughter sasses your ex husband and how gleeful that makes you. STOP. TOUCHING. MY. BABY!!!

Or, you know…something like that.

Next time this happens I’m gonna have to not be such a wuss and actually tell people (as politely as possible) what I’m really thinking because the idea of spending another meal feeling harassed and uncomfortable when I should be laughing and enjoying time with my loved ones makes me want to not get out of the house after all.

But the food was good!

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10 Responses to Hands Off!

  • TopHat says:

    My favorite is when someone just hands my baby a piece of cookie without asking me. She’s not allowed to have sugar until she’s a year, but it’s “ok” because “there’s no chocolate on this piece.”

    Grr…

  • Haha! I know just what you mean! I had someone walk up to me at a church potluck once and say “let me just hold her while you get your food” and took her right out of my arms! My jaw was on the floor! What are people thinking?! I don’t have nearly as many people do this to me now that I have 2 (perhaps I look too busy to talk, or perhaps I’ve perfected the “I don’t give a crap” face) But I will tell you the most useful phrase I have ever learned as a mother. Are you ready? This is important. “Actually, I’d rather you didn’t” it’s polite, to the point, and leaves no wiggle room. Try it, it works! I even use it on family when they are trying to comfort the baby and not giving him back, or want to put him in the car seat for me (I’m a car seat freak and I have to do it myself). Happy parenting!

  • Adam says:

    It’s especially annoying when there’s a Chinese woman baby talking to your baby in indecipherable engrish for 10 minutes straight.

    Cause, you know, the baby enjoys your company, so it’s ok.

  • Hahaha! So funny but true. Same as people wanting to rub your belly just because you’re pregnant. I’m not a Buddah statue! It is NOT good luck to rub my belly; it will probably be bad luck! I guess people are drawn to babies (born and unborn) because it’s such a miracle. I hope Lucy doesn’t get sick from all that extra contact with germs though. Good luck with that!

  • ….my dust bunnies are breeding – ha! very funny! thanks for stopping by and entering our contest! we’ve had a lot of fun visiting all of these bloggers.
    darling blog by the way!! we miss those baby days {even with weirdo’s obsessed with cute babies!}
    have a great week!

  • Ha. My mother taught me well. Babies are delicate and you should stay away from them unless a) you’re clean and not sick; b) the parents have actually asked if you wanted to touch/hold the baby. It always amazes me that people don’t see that as common sense. Babies (and toddlers) are cute and huggable, but they’re people, not dolls. They’re not there for you to play with. End of story.

    And oh, look, I can actually comment in blogs! I’m just lazy and prefer to stay quiet. Besides, it’s easier to give feedback on Twitter. :)

    Happy New Year!

    @theladyisugly

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